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Friday, June 4, 2010

not everything requires an opinion. . .

I feel I have been learning frequently over the last few years of life that many individuals' decisions are relative and do not require me, or anyone else, to have an opinion about them. Decisions about things such as:

diet
fashion
relationships
parenting
school

and the list can go on & on & on, but I'd like to focus on one area in particular: pregnancy & delivery.

Here's the thing, some people make decisions based on their personal preference. Ahh, such as whether or not to find out the gender of their baby before it is born. Is there one right way for this? No, of course not. Amazingly, we have the technology to find out the gender of our baby before it is born. Something our parents and grandparents didn't even think of doing! What amazing gift of technology that God has given us. However, when someone chooses not to use it can't that be just a preference without being analyzed or criticized?

Like choosing mayonnaise or mustard? Vanilla or chocolate? Diet or regular?
Okay obviously a little more substantial decision or preference, but still--it's just a preference.

In general I am a very open person. I like to share information about our lives when people ask, but I am getting to the place where I don't want people to even ask us about pregnancy or delivery. People ask, "So what are you having?" While this should be a fun question to answer I've started to dread answering it. Yet, I answer it honestly. "We aren't going to find out ahead of time." *insert unassuming smile here*. Sometimes I even say it as if we are silly for not finding out, just to try and lessen the following blow in case it is a negative one. We either get one of two responses: Praise or criticism. We either get a "Well good for you!" Or an "Oh. . . one of those couples" and if it doesn't come with such a blatant criticism it just comes with an uncomfortable facial expression and an "Well we found out for all of ours and it was still just as fun."

Okay, praise OR criticism I need neither of. We aren't doing it to be trendy, hippy, old fashion, or elite. We're doing it this way because it's what we WANT TO DO. Can't it just be our preference? I have no criticism for people who find out the gender. My sister found out the gender for all four of her kids and I loved it every time. My best friend will find out the gender when it's her turn. I think it's wonderful! But for Lee & Me, we just, want to wait. We don't even have an explanation and don't really need one. It's a surprise whenever you find out. (and I have learned that I shouldn't say, 'we just like surprises' because this results in people saying, "Well finding out didn't ruin the surprise for us, it was still a great surprise". Of course it was, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I guess Lee & I love surprises so much we want to prolong it as long as possible.
I now answer the question with my best effort to neutralize the situation by saying, "Everyone is so different and wants different things, but Lee & I want to wait to find out."

Maybe my hormones are getting the best of me, or maybe it is the fact I never sleep anymore, but I am so OVER people's opinions.

Wow this is the most aggressive blog I've written... let me cool it down a notch. :)

The other pregnancy questions I hate are in regards to delivery. I wouldn't mind sharing if people could just respect our decisions, but they don't. (of course some people do and I appreciate these people very much but in general I think some people have a hard time with other people making different decisions then they made or make). I don't like people asking what hospital we are delivering at, because people criticize our decision to go to Reedley hospital. And I do not like people asking questions about epidurals or birth plans. I want a natural birth. There, I said it. I'm not choosing natural birth because it's trendy or elite, either. I'm choosing it for a few different reasons. All of which are relative to my own preference and what is best for my body. The decisions I make in regards to delivery aren't the best decisions for everyone. But I feel like when people ask and I tell them I want a natural birth, they feel threatened or perhaps interpret my decisions as me thinking I am better than them. None of which are reality, but this is my best hypothesis and interpretation of the situations I have faced. I could explain my reasoning for natural birth on here, but I don't think my reasons have to be explained. I'm not trying to be a super-woman or prove myself--it's just my personal decision because it is how I want to experience it.

Isn't that enough? That it is just what we want and how we want to do it? It doesn't feel like it sometimes.

1 comment:

  1. Sarah, Sarah... welcome my dear to parenthood. Where your decisions for YOUR family are questioned by everyone else. I'm still learning to deal with this, it doesn't end when you actually HAVE the baby. "Are you breast feeding?" "Do you rock your children to sleep?" "Are you sleep training" "you should do this...". The list goes on and on and on... I'll be the first to admit, I hold on to these little and sometimes even passive aggressive statements WAY too long. Even to the point where I lose SLEEP over it. I've learned that people who find fault with your parenting very often fail to realize that they are looking at legitimate difference between your style and theirs. People are too quick to lump things into "right and wrong". When I am questioned for the way I choose to raise my kid I remind myself of three things:
    1. you are unique
    2. your child is unique
    3. your situation is unique
    When violet was young, and the questions started flowing in I started to simply say "you know, some things I'd rather just keep private". Maybe I was too sensitive to other people's opinions, and I probably still am. But all in all, it's your choice and no one elses. STICK TO YOUR GUNS GIRL!

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