Sunday, February 28, 2010

Oh what a beautiful three days...

Of course only after I express my ultimate low point to all of you do I experience three wonderful days in regards to the whole 'nausea' struggle. I haven't been sick since Wednesday and not only that but I have enjoyed several meals where I actually felt full & satisfied at the end. Hallelujah! Even if I have another relapse I will be thankful for these few days.

This next weekend is my sister Kelsie's wedding in Vegas! Lee & I are so excited for a little weekend vacation and spending time with my family. Yahoo! And not to mention--uh, Kelsie's GETTING MARRIED!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Hard work & humbling

Yesterday marked two months since I began the beautiful road of excessive vomiting and tomorrow marks 15 weeks of our surprise pregnancy. ahh life.
Today as I vomited violently into the sink at school for the hundredth time I found myself crying and whispering in between heaves, "I can't... I just can't." It was truly one of my most pathetic moments. I looked up into the mirror to see my face a bright reddish purple and thought, "great, now I'll scare the 1st graders into submission" and took off for my next reading group. Either kids are just less judgmental or completely oblivious because they never seem to notice or comment on the bright red cheeks, sweaty face, or smudged mascara. Still, while I thought I couldn't, I could, and I did survive another morning at the elementary school.
I am proud to say that I have not missed a single morning at my job at the school due to this sickness, but there have been many a times when I wanted to. Nonetheless, my hope goes on. I have set a new marker for a hopeful end date. Sure, the initial goal was 12 weeks, but since that was 3 weeks ago, it was time to make a new one. So I'm hoping for some relief come week 18. That will only be a small 12 weeks of vomiting, gagging, dry heaving, and constant hunger that can't be quenched bc I am forever returning the food I ate. Which really, is a small price to pay for the miracle of life, right?
I'm doing my best to be positive, but as I lay in bed (because I know if I move I'll be dashing to the toilet again) I just feel overwhelmed. How do people do this for so long? How do people do this with other small children at home? Why am I such a whimp? I just want to feel normal again and I'm having a pathetically whiney 'poor me' moment. Snap out of it Jo! That's what I try to tell myself in the mirror when I start to feel sorry for myself. I know that I am lucky to even be able to have a baby, even if it was an 'accident'. I am very very lucky. I am just also very very tired of being sick.
We leave for Mexico in March for a trip with Soar to Guadalajara. I am very excited, but will need lots of prayers. I do not want to be vomiting the whole time and I want to be a help not a hindrance. If you think of it, say a prayer for us. I kind of need it.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Puppy Surprise, Puppy Surprise, How many puppies are there inside?

Remember that toy when we were younger "Puppy surprise, puppy surprise, how many inside, 3, 4, or 5?" You bought the mommy dog with a Velcro-enclosed stomach and when you opened her up you found out just how many puppies there were!
Well we aren't guessing at numbers, but we are waiting to be surprised with what gender our little one is going to be. Oh yes, that's right, I'm pregnant. Or do you say, "we're pregnant"? The news came as a surprising shock after slight relief. I am sure God had a good laugh by first giving me a false negative on a pregnancy test (and thus false relief) before we got the accurate big news. That's right again, I am honestly admitting to being more than slightly overwhelmed by the new-found reality. My best friend Erica can attest to my distressed state though she wouldn't admit the details to a single soul. :) (thanks E!)
Beginning Dec. 23 and, well, not ending yet, I started the "morning sickness" side of nausea. And let's just set the record straight for anyone who doesn't know: morning sickness is a total load of crap. Let's try all day long and into the night sickness. Though it has got much better in the last couple weeks, weeks 6 to 12 of pregnancy were a real nightmare, and I think I more than doubled my already high throw up count in the totality of my life. Lee and I barely survived the ordeal--but I am not walking away "trophy-less"--I carry proudly an award for the amount of places I 'got sick' in public, it is really quite impressive--oh and of course the reward of my very own offspring come August!
As of yesterday I still felt--despite the excessive vomiting--just not that pregnant. I've lost weight, all my clothes still fit perfectly, no bump, and of course no movement yet at just 14 weeks, but that changed slightly today when I heard the little human's heart beat inside of me. Wow, there really is a God, and I couldn't help but laugh, though I tried very much not to as to not disturb the little sound machine thing, but it really was just amazing and almost silly feeling.
My due date is 6 months from tomorrow (you really aren't pregnant just 9 months, because since when does 40 weeks equal 9 months?) Anyways, in six months will have a child, be a mother, and I am sure will learn at a whole new level what love and selflessness really are.