the return is always worth the investment

Truth: I started this blog SIX MONTHS AGO, and just now came back to finish it. So here it is!

I don't know how long ago it was now, probably eight months, but someone asked us a question that really got me thinking (read: feeling insecure and uncertain). He asked why we had fundraised for our adoption when it was apparent that my parents are so wealthy. He wanted to know why they hadn't provided the $40k for us and why we asked others to help us.

I'll tell you how I responded in just a moment, but first take a walk with me in the fragility of my insecure mind of the flesh. I started wondering, "How many people are wondering that!? How many people are thinking that?! What were we thinking asking people for MONEY?!"

It really nagged at me and I had to dig in deep to understand why I was wrestling with feelings of embarrassment, but I quickly recognized that the insecurity was rooted in my fear of people not trusting us. After my detour into shame and insecurity, I came back to the Truth I already knew and it was the Truth with which I answered his question.

"My parents would have helped us if they could. For many reasons that aren't mine to share they could have only come up with that money for us quickly if they had taken it from their retirement--which they were willing to do--but we did not believe that was how God was going to provide for us. And if they had just covered the cost for us easy-peasy then God wouldn't have received near the glory that He has received in this process. So that's why."

I want to unpack what I mean by God being glorified in this process.

So...nearly 15 months ago we stepped out in faith; we counted the cost--quite literally (about $40k)--and plunged forward with an opportunity to adopt. We had a whole $8k in our savings and had been approved for a $10k Consumer Credit Line from our bank.  We were still $22k short of what we needed.

Here's a pic from an actual page in my journal the week we were matched. I wrote it during a staff meeting devotional about counting the cost to follow Jesus (I work at a church):

We prayed... and prayed... and prayed.. and listened... and listened... and listened some more.

And without any shame we sent an email out to family and friends telling them our amazing news and inviting them to pray with us for the funds to come in and telling them how they could contribute if The Lord led them. We were trying to obey Jesus and we were going to need some help to do that, so we asked for help.

But that isn't always how the world views it--Why would we adopt if we didn't already have the money? If we didn't have the money to adopt why did we think we had the money to take care of a child with special needs?

Okay... all SUPER LOGICAL questions... I get that. But our God is so much bigger than our logic and God's wisdom is foolishness to the world.

So we threw off those questions and doubts and fears and trusted that where God led us He would make it possible for us to go.

And God did.

I could tell you so many stories of how God miraculously provided for us through the generosity of others. I am humbled by the gifts and the hard work of so many people. It is humbling and inspiring, but it is not embarrassing. The enemy wants me to believe that I should be embarrassed, but I refuse to agree with this lie.

The day we found out Hezekiah's birthmother wanted us to be his forever family is the day we sent that email to all of our family and friends explaining the situation and the need; the email asking for help. That night I got home late from a church meeting and a couple about 20 years our senior came to our home and sat across from us in our living room. They had received the email and honestly, in my fear and insecurity, I thought they might be there to advise us on all of the things we maybe had not considered with special needs. Instead, they reached out and handed us a $1,000 check.

I almost ugly cried y'all.

The best way I can describe what it felt like is this: God had called us to this mountain and we were standing at the foot of it. We trusted and knew that He would show us the way over it and we were so eager to climb to the top, but we honestly didn’t know how to get there and we certainly knew we couldn’t do it on our own. 

This first gift–this couple sitting in our living room–became the extension of God’s majestic arm reaching down to offer us a hand.

We took hold of Him and his faithfulness with grateful and expectant hearts; and somehow, miraculously, more hands reached out; more extensions of God’s love and provision for us, and when we made it to the top we knew exactly who had placed us there.

God loves for us to be desperate for Him, because we get to see more of who He is and how He loves us when we are; only through our weakness and inabilities do we experience the fullness of God's power and grace. Grace is not only the free pardon we receive through Jesus; Grace is also a supernatural force that sustains us and makes it possible for us to follow Jesus wherever He leads.

God provided for us through the generosity of others and by giving us the personal self-discipline to pay off debt. When Hezekiah was just under 6 months old we didn't owe a single penny for an adoption that cost well over $40k. That is only possible because of The Lord--He gets ALL the credit. And that's why I am glad we had to ask for help, glad we had to lean on other believers, glad we didn't have enough on our own--because I want to stay in this humble and desperate place where I get to see more and more of Jesus, where he gets more and more of the praise and glory, and where I get to be a part of the Bride of Christ that holds one another up and meets their needs just like in Acts 2:44-45, just like how God designed it to be.

"All the believers were together and had everything in common.  They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need."

Go follow Jesus, no matter the cost--the return is always worth the investment.